


Thought of you as everything I've had but couldn't keep

by AbbySomething



Category: Samurai Jack (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Mild Internalized Homophobia, One-Sided Crush, Thoughts of adultery, alcohol use, author does not approve of actions/thoughts of characters, i swear scotsman/wife is my otp BUT, i would like to apologize to the samurai jack fandom for this, lets be honest everyone thinks jack is hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbbySomething/pseuds/AbbySomething
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was good what we did yesterday / And I’d do it once again / The fact that you are married / Only proves you’re my best friend</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thought of you as everything I've had but couldn't keep

**Author's Note:**

> you can all also thank far-yale on tumblr for this

Sometimes, when Fergus has had perhaps a little too much to drink, he finds himself looking at Jack a little differently.  
  
He has never, not once, looked at another man as he does he wife while sober. Growing up in the highlands, surrounded by rowdy, loud, offensive men who all had the same build, hair, and tastes as him he thought would surely have driven that out of him. In fact, the first time he laid eyes on his wife he fell head over heels and swore to himself to marry her the first chance he had; she had been so unlike to everything he had ever known or seen.  
  
Jack is so, so disturbingly the same, and yet coincidentally not.  
  
His strange way of dressing is apparently no deterrent to Fergus’ feelings, because it is _everything else_ that causes him to turn his head.  
  
It is a culmination of things, big and small; how perfectly built his body is, sharp and as honed as the weapon he carries; how much knowledge he carries and is not afraid to share; how impossibly kind and caring he is to perfect strangers (given they do not insult him firsthand); the reserved way he laughs and it rolls off his shoulders; his long, thick hair that Fergus wants so much to brush and run his fingers through—  
  
That brings back a fresh wave of guilt, solid and heavy in his stomach, and it always causes Fergus to swallow reflexively.  
  
He is grateful to have Jack as a friend and drinking buddy, but it is becoming something of a problem each successive time they are together. Sometimes, if Jack is in his giggling, flushed phase of drunkenness, the ache in Fergus’ gut overwhelms the guilt, and he wants, _wants_ so much it burns in him.  
  
Only once in a while, when it gets truly bad (he tries to burn or tuck away these memories later but they somehow always resurface), he thinks of how else he could make Jack blush or flustered, blinking half-lidded at Fergus with those dark eyes.  
  
But he can handle it. He would never, ever cheat on his wife, or risk ruining what he has with Jack. Undoubtedly Jack was as straight as he was, or at the very least not…interested. Even if Jack told him he did prefer men, then Fergus knew that he would be supportive, because they were friends. It wouldn’t mean anything to him; it wouldn’t change a thing between them.  
  
Except…  
  
Except it would, because then, when they are both laughing their asses off at the most ridiculous thing, and Jack throws an arm around him and tells Fergus again how happy he is to have him there with him, and his head tucks so perfectly under Fergus' chin, there might be the smallest glimmer of actual, horrible _hope_.

**Author's Note:**

> i have committed the ultimate samurai jack sin
> 
> but im not quite sorry


End file.
